https://sg.theasianparent.com/when-other-men-view-your-wife/


Surprisingly realized it’s been 3 years since I last start my typing ...


Life is forever full of regrets..

From home to studying to working to relationship to marriage to creating a family.
Countless of regrets in my dictionary and my diary.

As i see people posting birthday celebrations, anniversary celebration and holidays with their loving doting husband. I wonder where is mine..

All the assumption i had is all assumption.

Having 2 darling with me sometime really make me wonder is it a really terrible decision to have them in the first place.

What people have in their life is never what i have in my life.

Maybe in the first place i shouldn't had accepted the person. Whatever done is purely a lie.

Many people must be thinking in the first place why i am so silly as to think of that person to be wonderful.

Almost every guy is 360degree change after status change.
I wonder why am i not the one that met one whom will do all housework perfectly, takecare and handle the kids perfectly and show love and concern and positive attitude to the wife.
As well as having a positive working attitude.

I believed one thing .. my eyesight is really BLIND!

Ever since the day i decided to walk down the path. I never expect my life to change dramatically till the end.

Sometime i wonder should i just forsake but my heart cry for my kids. People often ask me will i be worried of my marriage as families with background of divorce often tend to be at higher risk. I would normally reply no. however i am having no confident as days goes..

Nothing but tears are confirmed washing my face more than often as i expected.
Sometime i felt that probably i need to consult 心理医生even.. depression is confirm hiding somewhere inside me.




Times fly... Jasper is 15 months old now...  Beryl is 31 months old...

Wowww... It had been a tiring and shag periods for me... Having to cope with taking care of my 2 baobei and going to work counting down to 6pm to rush home for my next shift.

Didi Jasper grown up from a cranky little boy to a greedy little boy. Started his first steps when he turns 10 months 1 week, a big milestones marked. He is just like his daddy, finding food every minutes and mumbling "mum mum mum mum" non stop.

JieJie Beryl in the other hand is so picky on the food variety that she eat and was still not good in chewing and swallowing her food. As she start to grow up, the mischievous and naughty part of her start to appear. Not listening, throwing temper and showing "xiao jie pi qi".

Everyday i had to wake up to rush myself for a quick and fast wash up and makeup. Getting the kids showered before i proceed off for my work. Every evening when the clock is getting near to 6pm, i will be rushing to clear my work in office and counting down to rush home for my next shift work.
Feeding, showering and looking after the prince & princess,

As time pass, i am getting tired with whole body aching daily and every moment. Not suppose to expect my mum to help me too much as she is catching up with her age and health as well. However without her help to takecare Didi.. I am really going to fall apart.. Every moment of me seems to be fainting on the ground any moment any second.

Hoping that the daddy will help see them in the correct way is also so difficult. With his way and attitude of taking care had caused Jiejie to become more and more difficult to handle as she grows. Knowing that crying and throwing temper will enable his daddy to give in to her is what had caused her to be naughty and not listening to instruction.

The only part i am sorry to them is not having the energy to teach them their studies myself. I seem to have not much time available for me to sit down patiently and guide them on all the books and writing.

Thought of placing Beryl in childcare however the thoughts of leaving her there and napping on the floor hot and sweaty is something which is holding me back.

As time pass, Didi is growing up very fast as well as Jiejie. And i am really getting drained daily that i really do not have the energy to teach them.

Sometime i do wish i will just faint on the spot so that the Daddy will realise how tired and shag physically and mentally i am.

Getting his help to takecare and teaching the kids seem so difficult. He will only nag at needing to do extra work to earn extra  money but none of this is benefiting me. To him he is working hard for the family but to me nothing is for me.. the money is earn to spent on his 2 precious milk and necessity but not mine. As time pass, i felt like giving up everything, a moment of regrets hit me sometime making me wonder if i should had gone thru all this from the start.

Although my 2 precious is the best present to me. But the tiredness physically and mentally in me is not getting me anywhere.

I AM REALLY TIRED.. I WISH TO SLEEP THRU THE NIGHT TILL NOON.. LAZE ON THE BED AND WAKEUP DRESS UP FOR SHOPPING AND FOODS.

But all this is only a dream to me for now.



Finally after 40weeks.. Baby Jasper arrived ...

A full term baby ! To everyone surprise, Baby Jasper weigh 3.8kg! A big baby!!

Confinement started.. 人家做月我也做月，我却做的如此辛苦与悲哀。

No $$ is the usual topic... This time round I feel more disappointed and depressed.

Somehow seem like Jasper is paying for Mummy confinement expenses mostly. Having suffer all the pain and hardwork, what I get back eventually is tears again.

I told myself this will be the final and that's it.. A perfect gal and boy to me is enough..
Having suffer so much for what.. No sign of appreciation or gratitude but only disappointment and attitude...

为何让自己再受委屈。
冒着生命危险让人有个完整的家庭，换来的却是什么呢？



36th weeks ..

Beryl is turning 16th months.. Just manage to hug her to sleep with my big tummy .. a growing up baby starting to be more difficult to handle especially to me at this period of time...

I am feeling mentally drained and aching all over..
Worried that carrying beryl will affect Jasper movement in my tummy.. however being unable to make my darling beryl to sleep in my arm is also another sad thing to me.. feeling bad in heart that this little darling is not getting the full love and attention from neither me nor her injured daddy.

Little Daddy ger is not getting her daddy carrying around and playing, running with her momentsss..
As time pass she get older each day and thats mean she will not get the moment of joy and fun at that moment of time..

Feeling bad in heart, is making me mentally breakdown soon.. having difficulties in getting up and down bed makes me aching all over and losing patience with my darling princess Beryl..

With Daddy's prolong leg injury, i am feeling really tired. physically and mentally tired!!!

Unable to depend much on him and having to give more attention to Beryl and getting myself prepared and ready for Jasper arrival is really not an easy tasks.

At this very moment, Jasper is turning and moving inside me.. starting to get nervous as this time is really different from having Beryl. Got to get everything ready myself and worried what and when will Jasper arrive.. Having to worry Jasper will arrived when i am driving halfway and when no help is around..

How am i going to hospital this time round? An unanswerable qns in my heart...

I AM REALLY TIRED PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY!!
ACHING ALL OVER AND YET NO ONE IS ABLE TO MASSAGE ME COMFORTABLY!!

Beryl is 15mths now.. In another 8 more weeks, I will experience another round of being a mother..

My little prince - Jasper is coming to say Hello Mummy, Daddy & Jiejie!

Hubby is injured with a fractured thigh bone for almost 2months. In 8 more weeks he will need to accompany me into delivery ward, will he be able to recover in time to be there with me? I hope so of course.

Beryl is now walking and full of mischievous however injured Daddy is unable to bring her out for fun. And I am unable to bring her run around also.. :(

With little Jasper joining us. We will be one complete family. Daddy, Mummy, Jiejie and Didi.. 好! A perfect girl and boy combination.

All I wish now is both my darling to grow up cute , smart and healthy!

In 8 weeks time , I pray for a smooth and safe delivery.